What You Know Bout Me, What You Know Bout Me

I had to walk around for an hour this afternoon putting up fliers for this psychiatry society event I helped organize. It's my beloved shrink giving the lecture, and I'm sure the audience will be full of young women with "I LOVE YOU" inked onto their eyelids, a la Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Anyway, by the time I'd walked around putting up fliers and drawn attractive eye-catching chalk advertisements on the blackboards of the 1st and 2nd-years' respective auditorium blackboards, I was really exhausted and just wanted to lounge around my house in my pajamas. But I didn't. I went to hip-hop dance class and then went to a chamber music concert with my Mom. I was really glad I made the effort. And that is life, my friends. Making the effort to do something meaningful even when you'd rather relax. (I know, I know, I'm being preachy. But it's my blog, so put up or shut up.)

I mean, really, today was remarkable for being the first day in a while where I came home from my day feeling tired. I've really settled into the wonderful sloth of fourth year.

This past weekend, I was so sloth-like, I practically grew really long claws and slept in trees. I had no plans, just did things spontaneously, and it was so great to let the time just spool out easily. I didn't feel restless or like I needed to stick to a schedule. The main event on Saturday afternoon was, I got incredible cocoa with Jaime and then we embarked on a successful jeans-shopping expedition.

Late Night Hijinx

After seeing "The Savages" with my friend Debra tonight, we went to the above bar, "Dirty Frank's," to join CC and Karina for drinks. (Notice the "Frank" themes on the outside -- Sinatra, Purdue, etc.) Altogether, a merrie time was had by all.

It Pays To Increase Your Word Power

I'm IMing with this guy I "met" through nerve.com personals. He is super-verbal, which sort of reminds me of my oldest brother. I'm not alarmed yet -- he at least has interesting things to say -- but it is something to watch.

Anyway, it's nice to get back into the dating scene without feeling nervous about it. Fingers crossed... :)

Friday I'm in Love

That is to say, I'm in love with Fridays. On this rotation, there are case conferences every Friday. So we have to arrive early, at 7:15am, which sucks, but there are free bagels, muffins, yogurt, fruit, juice, and coffee, and we hear our attendings talk about interesting endocrinology cases. Then -- and this is the best part -- we get out at noon. I almost got away with getting out at 11:15am today, but then one of the attendings nabbed me and I saw another patient. (Call the waaambulance. I still got out at ten to noon.)

It was a gorgeous day today here in Philly, and I loved walking around in the sunshine. I haven't been quite as sanguine lately as I was in my last post, thus continuing the pattern this month of feeling good for about a day after I see my psychiatrist, and then reverting back to eh-ness (or worse) for the rest of the week. But the weather today definitely helped my mood.

Anyway, tonight MMBI drove me out to see my dad's play, "Three Days of Rain," and it was great. I liked it fine the first time I saw it, a couple weeks ago, but tonight it was wonderful. I have a mild crush on one of the actors:



You can see him on the "Sprout" (kids) channel on cable, nationwide, hosting the morning show, starting in a couple weeks. Rowr.

It Feels So Good, Feeling Good Again

Feeling content. Sense of well-being, puttering around happily, etc. Just wanted to say that.

(Of course, it didn't hurt that I took today off and walked around in the sunshine a fair bit. Shhh.)

If You Got A Gun Up In Your Waist, Please Don't Shoot Up The Place

I fired a gun today for the first time. I actually fired two guns (not simultaneously, but how Tomb Raider cool would I have been if I had?), about thirty times. And... it was pretty great.

(Not me.)

This was not my idea -- CC has guns left to her by her grandmother, I guess, and our mutual high school friend, Karina, wanted to go to the shooting range sometime, so I went along. I met up with CC at her car in South Philly, and we took her guns (in nice leather cases) over to the indoor range. I was uncomfortable at first, and practically wanted to hide behind CC's skirt (if she ever wore skirts) the whole time. But we had some time to kill before the people in front of us vacated a lane (just like bowling!), so the owner-type guy gave us a quick lesson on how to handle, load, and shoot the guns.

I was scared, at first, to handle the gun I started with, a .22 revolver. To hold a lethal explosive weapon in my hands was daunting. But I guess med school has prepared me to face scary situations by focusing on the instructions, so before I knew it, I was gripping the gun correctly, with my trigger finger extended out away from the trigger, and my left hand was wrapped under the handle with my left thumb over my right thumb, and I was cocking the gun, aiming, breathing, and slowly squeezing the trigger. After a few rounds, I felt like a pro. It felt like bowling, really, trying to see how accurate you could be, playing side by side. Afterward (and AFTER putting the guns away in the car), we went out for margaritas and burritos. Suh-weet.

I'm Too Structured, I'm Completely Closed Off

So, Stephen's engaged. I found out on Tuesday night, when he called me with the news, and since then it has been the defining event of my week. On the one hand, nothing's changed -- inasmuch as I'd thought about him and his girlfriend, I figured they were in it for the long haul. But there was something about hearing it that seemed so final.

This has started a vaguely misanthropic feeling for the week. I had the feeling as our phone conversation wore on and we'd moved on to other topics that I had nothing else to say to him, and didn't really care about what he had to say to me. I'm not sure if I'll act on any sentiment like this, but for now, I feel like I don't want to continue to be friends with him.

In a way, it's been great, because I feel very free, like a new beginning. I guess I had been holding onto a bunch of feelings towards him that I was finally able to release with this announcement. On the other hand, I've been taking this to the extreme and vaguely feeling like ditching anything and anyone I've ever known, trying to match in New York, and just disappear into the crowds.