I'm Too Structured, I'm Completely Closed Off

So, Stephen's engaged. I found out on Tuesday night, when he called me with the news, and since then it has been the defining event of my week. On the one hand, nothing's changed -- inasmuch as I'd thought about him and his girlfriend, I figured they were in it for the long haul. But there was something about hearing it that seemed so final.

This has started a vaguely misanthropic feeling for the week. I had the feeling as our phone conversation wore on and we'd moved on to other topics that I had nothing else to say to him, and didn't really care about what he had to say to me. I'm not sure if I'll act on any sentiment like this, but for now, I feel like I don't want to continue to be friends with him.

In a way, it's been great, because I feel very free, like a new beginning. I guess I had been holding onto a bunch of feelings towards him that I was finally able to release with this announcement. On the other hand, I've been taking this to the extreme and vaguely feeling like ditching anything and anyone I've ever known, trying to match in New York, and just disappear into the crowds.