Nocturnalism

Well, it's my last night on night float. I have an agitated patient who I think will keep me busy most of the night.

Night float really screws with me. I picked a fight with Dean last night because I'm so moody and weird-feeling. This time is better than last time, because early on, I switched nights and days. However, I still am suffering the effects of sleeping during the day and being awake all night, and of not getting to see Dean as much as I'm used to. I can't even point to why it affects me, but it does. What can I say, diurnal rhythms die hard.

It's not that it hasn't been a good week in some ways. I've averaged one new patient per night, so in 10 hours, that leaves 8 or 9 hours of goofing off. I've watched a lot of "Mad Men," which is incomparably awesome, and I've read blogs and facebook. I've read a lot of this book, and usually take some time to think after reading for an hour or so (and then fall asleep for an hour or two). I've been trying to meditate a little more in daily life, and take pauses to be aware of whatever I'm feeling. (With limited success, but maybe I'll get better with time.)

Anyway, the next few weeks will be tough, too. I've got a fair amount of on-call time, though only one time is over night. I'm back on that awful rotation that I was on the first few weeks of January, in which I kind of flipped out and cried at work etc. But hopefully I'll have some improved coping skills. And hey, there will probably be a bit more sunshine around in February.

And then! I think life will improve. I have vacation, then relatively easy rotations, and then some more tough rotations, but no more than 2 weeks on any given rotation.

I think some day I'll get to control what I do with my time.

I'm just ready to reclaim some ownership over my life.

Night Float

Whenever I say that I'm on night float, I feel like the music from "Night Court" ought to come on. That awesome 80's/early-90's bass guitar riffing... so funky! That crazy Harry Anderson.

Anyway, for anybody who still checks on this lowly blog, night float is, in residency, when you work nights and sleep during the day. My residency has a very kind night float schedule, so you work from 10pm to 8am, as opposed to some residencies where you work 6pm to 8am. Coming in at 10pm is so much nicer than 6pm. For one thing, aside from the fact that, obviously, working 10 hours in a 24-hour day is nicer than working 14 hours, you get that precious evening time. Tonight, for example, I relaxed with my family, had dinner, played piano, and watched football with my nephews. Tomorrow night I plan on having dinner and watching a movie with Dean. Later on this week I'll have my shrink appointment and get dinner with my family. It's such necessary social time when you're up all night in a creepy fluorescent-lit psychiatric ER and then sleep all day.

Ack!

So long since I've updated. Still no time. I'm on call at the hospital and just remembered some work stuff I have to do (not urgently). Anyway, I'm still with Dean, and I hate residency. I've been crying in front of my colleagues and supervisers (not frequently). But I think I've turned a corner and will muddle through to spring and sunshine and the end of this sea of shit I'm crawling through right now.