Big Pimpin'

The wheel of internship year keeps on turnin'. I finished my last inpatient straight psych rotation of the year and am about to start an addictions rotation before three months of pediatric stuff. I have a lot to look forward to -- a lot of fun visits from family and friends, and spring is around the corner -- which is good because I have some serious cabin fever.

Re-Expansion

Man, was I depressed earlier in the week. Even my shrink said so.

But since I had like 8 hours to do whatever I wanted yesterday, and a pretty good evening tonight too, I feel like I've had enough time to stare at the wall and start to get some spontaneity and enthusiasm back.

Tonight we had a fire alarm in our building. I realized I should probably back up my laptop, and my roommate callously left her cat in the apartment, but otherwise the evacuation went pretty smoothly. There was real smoke on the third floor and all of us in the line filing down the stairs made eye contact and raised our eyebrows. I've never been evacuated for a real fire before. Anyway, the firemen came quickly and I felt a thrill of gratitude toward them -- this seems like it was a tiny fire, but still, they come in ready to risk their lives for our safety and preservation of our things.

Control

I am noticeably dysphoric at work. Today I ran around like a madwoman, and when I finally got to get lunch with my fellow residents, we had an applicant tag along, which really stuck in my craw. What I really wanted to do was vent, or at least feel free to be visibly upset and unhappy, but instead I had to talk about the program's pros and cons with the student.

I don't know why, but I do not do well with underlings. My theory is that it's because I'm the youngest child in the family. I like being the youngest, learning from elders, being the one to tag along. I feel vicious toward those who tag along with me, and it's really upsetting. I would have always thought that, as I benefitted from those who were good teachers, I would be inspired and would take care to be a good teacher myself. But I feel so stressed out about getting my own work done that the appearance of a med student just annoys the hell out of me. I consciously try to welcome students and take time to teach, but I hate that it feels like such a burden.

It was really only this afternoon, after the med students left and I had time and space and calm in which to finish my work, and finally felt like I was in control, that I relaxed. Sigh.

Food, Friends, Warm Weather

First of all, let me say Cold Mountain is one hell of a depressing, violent movie. Damn.

This week got better and better. Last night my friend Amy from med school, who's now a family medicine intern, finally came back to the city for a visit. It was so great to share a drink with her and Jaime at the Irish Pub. Then Alice had a house party, and I ended up staying up till 4am and stayed over, and so did Pat. This morning Mike came over to Alice's house, I went out for milk and bread, and we had delicious scrambled eggs with cheese, onions, and peppers, and toast with Mike's homemade jams. (I liked the white peach even better than the plum.) Later, along with Daniel, Mary, and Brian, we all walked over to Schuylkill River Park and played bocce ball -- it was such a gorgeous warm day out, and it seemed as though the whole city had come outside. Then some of us met up with Karina over at Coquette, where Elizabeth was waitressing, and had a delicious dinner -- actually, none of us really ate a full meal, as it's sort of expensive. But a very good day all around, anyway.

Re-Entering Civilization

Tonight I came home, had vegetable pasta soup, and went to the gym. Then I met up with Alice for a drink at the Black Sheep. I did not need to go home to go to sleep early, and I was able to make decisions (like getting a drink) spontaneously. Soooo nice not being on medicine anymore!