Tough Day

An 18-month-old boy died today in the ER. I didn't see him. He apparently came in blue and cold, in respiratory failure, barely able to breathe. The doctors could not save him -- they don't even know what happened. All they knew was, he'd had a cold for a week. Scary.

My resident and I were sitting nearby, working on another patient's case, and trying not to listen to the mother screaming in grief, twenty feet away. The ER was unnaturally quiet otherwise, with the staff walking around doing work, red-faced, puffy-eyed. I had to walk away a couple of times as I felt my face contort and the tears start to rise up inside me. I took deep breaths, as if fighting nausea, and calmed back down. Back to work... it felt so unnatural.